Everything Honorable and Glorious

Rug burn, what are you?

I had sex with a beautiful former Marine last night, and my knees are fuuuuuuucked up.

I have too much fun.

guise, guies srsly.

The seller and I came to an agreement, I’M BUYING A FUCKING HOUSE!!!!!!

It’s 2436 sqft, 4 beds, 3 baths, I’m frick fracking puuuuuuumped!

Hopefully I get to move in June, this is so exciting.  Now I just have to get BAH approved…

Leave.

Tomorrow is my last day being a lazy slob, I have to go back to work on wednesday. It’ll be nice, three days of processing, the weekend to settle and then start up my life in GA on monday. I can’t wait to live my future, I’ve ben waiting for this moment.

On another note, I miss my boyfriend so much. I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again, whether it be the next holiday, his graduation or when he gets here and it sucks a lot. I just want to give him kisses and tell him that I love him.

Sooooo

He told me I twitch in my sleep and he thinks it’s cute. Gahhh, why he gotta be so cute when I know I shouldn’t date right now? Actually, we could help each other since we are in the same class and all.

Babs told me he’s had a thing for me a while now, there’s just something about me or whatever that he can’t resist. and his arms, ughhh fuck, I can’t. They make me melt.

He’s making plans.

And he wants to see me.

Even if it is for sex, but I guess it’s special sex cause he can seriously get it anywhere.

WHAT AM I DOING RIGHT NOW?

Focus.

I’m getting lost, so I’m taking some time and going away for a bit.

I’m not leaving, but I’m taking the weekdays off of the internet.  Life is getting stressful and all I do is cry most days, so I need to focus on me and what is important.

I’ll be back on the weekends, to see what I missed.  Bye.

I miss him.

I feel incredibly stupid and I just wish that I hadn’t said it, or maybe responded differently. The last thing I said to him was I still want to have fun and hang while he is here, and now I just want to tell him how silly and stupid I feel cause I knew how he felt and I knew what he would say (cause amanda told me). I just want to cuddle or laugh at stupid things or go out and have fun with him. He has three weeks and I don’t want this weekend to be the last time I saw him.

Dammit this sucks so much, why did I let all my feels get so out of control. Motha fuckin’ Marines, why they gotta be so much better?

Bubbles.

I watched Hugo with him last night, and he gave me a goodnight kiss.

It made me so happy.

And the Corporal that caught me in his room last time was doing inspections, he remembered me and joked with me, I don’t feel like so much an ass anymore.

But yeah, goodnight kisses make me feel wonderful.

I just want to kiss his stupid face.

Even if I am sick.

He’s just so freaking cute, why does he have to be so far away right now?

Now I know what it’s like to just sit and wait for him to come back.  God am I going to cuddle the fuck out of him.

Nothing like a Nyquil coma, to ruin your evening plans.

Took a dose at 1PM yesterday, didn’t make me sleepy, so I took another three hours later.  I slept for twelve hours.

I missed my friend’s birthday shitshow and my roommate’s party time.

Oh well, if I feel better, there is always next weekend.

I’m too damn sensitive.

Sometimes I just let my emotions get all over things, and that’s not always a good idea.

I should just stop worrying and getting all insecure about myself and things.  I should take peoples words, but I shouldn’t let them get me all worked up.  If there is anything that I’ve learned from the past, it’s that the people will be with you if they want to be with you.  I would say, that after four months, if he didn’t want to be with me, he wouldn’t.  So, maybe he was mad at me last weekend and said some things that made some people mad, but he’s being sweet to me now.  I don’t know what I did to change his mind, but I’m glad I did.

And yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have showed up shitfaced at the bar he brought his dad to in a sexy little outfit, he was probably waiting for me to do something stupid.  Maybe I should have just chilled and had a beer and been subtle, he probably would have liked that. 

As my mom always says, “shoulda, coulda, woulda.”  yes, I did just quote my mom, deal with it.  Of all the things I’ve learned about living and being human, is that days come and go, you can hold on to them.  What happened in the past is gone and you can’t change it, but you can live now and change tomorrow. 

In conclusion, I have to stop letting all the little stupid things get to me, look at the big picture.  Be me, do my thing, and stop trying to swim so hard against the current.  I’m in the most stressful place of my life, I don’t need to make it any harder on myself.

Yeah, I’m a little drunk.

I want to write for some stupid reason, but I don’t know why.

Like, I’m so ready to just study study study, but then shit goes wrong and everything goes wrong.  Fuck it.  I resort to doing things and hoping that something will work out in my favor, but to no avail, so drinking it is!

I just want to tell him.  I want to tell him that I like him a lot, probably more than I should.  His stupid cute face, his strong body, his hands no matter what they are doing, dat ass, his big brown eyes, his big perfect toothy smile, his stupid haircut, Dammit.  DAMMIT.  He’s too fucking perfect.  WHY!?!?!?!!?!?

Yes, I am drunkish, thanks for asking.

But really, why can I just talk to people and tell them what I’m thinking and feeling and shit, what am I so afraid of?  BLEH.

But it’s more than just physical, he’s funny and witty and goofy.  He’s smart and his memory is superb.  He also enjoys the cuddles and the sexies and has yet to be a total jackass to me.  

Ugh.  Why can I not just wake up to his stupid cute face and oven of a body?  Why do I gotta wait for the weekend?  Poop.  I’m in over my head, way in over my head, these fucking Marines, what can you even do?

I just want to take him a giant cookie and tell him I like him a lot too.  

Jenin, Jenin.

We finished a big chunk of this movie today, I can’t imagine living like this.

On a daily basis, not only am I watching the events unfold in Syria, but I get to relive the memories of my teachers who have lived through such hardships.

I have felt so unmotivated, just wanting to give up.  But today, I realized that I have to work so hard to make it.  If not for me, for the teachers, for the future, for those kids without families or homes.

To know I’ve lived this wonderful life away from so much suffering, while that is all they know, I need to fight to make like better for the future.  You have to be the change you want to see in the world.

I like waking up next to him.

When I wake up and his feet are curled around my ankles and his hands are holding my waist.  I snuggle closer and he moves his chin so I can put my nose on his neck.  I wrap my legs around him and kiss his shoulders and he stokes my back.  The smell and warmth of his skin.  The little peak of his eyes to look at me.  His grin as he pulls me in for a kiss.  He’s too beautiful.  

I like him too much.

Tonight was weird.

So weird, that I ended up with blood on me…

I was told that my friends ex-girlfriend had cut herself really deep and it wouldn’t stop bleeding.  I wish someone would have told me, that is some shit I can deal with.

All the bars were pretty dead, they didn’t pick up till late late…when we were leaving.

Several guys complemented me, it was nice, it’s nice to hear.  For some stupid reason, I tend to get a little down when I think the guy I like doesn’t like me.  It’s silly, cause I know there are a handful of people trying to get at me.  I should have tried to see if I could have got in to pride night, that would have been fun.

It’s late, I need sleep.  I have duty in the morning, and I have get a few people’s drunk asses up.